Chapter Three: In Which Bella Is Almost Hit By A Car (Hooray!), But Survives (Dammit!)

This was a difficult chapter to spork. Part of this chapter takes place in a hospital, and as I work in the medical field I found the medical inaccuracies particularly grating. Also, Edward is particularly douchey in this chapter. Multiple times I’ve had my arm drawn back, prepared to hurl my Kindle across the room. But I managed to persevere and so I present to you: Chapter Three! 

When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different. 

It was the light. It was still the gray-green light of a cloudy day in the forest, but it was clearer somehow. I realized there was no fog veiling my window.  

I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned in horror.

What is it that Bella sees that is so horrifying? John Cusack in a trench coat with a boom box? A legion of zombies? Jehovah’s Witnesses? 

Worse. Snow.

Dun, dun DUNNNNNNN.

Bella reflects that the snow and ice will spell disaster to her as she is so clumsy.

I’ve been wanting to discuss Bella’s clumsiness since the beginning of the blog, but there is so much else about these books that sucks that I haven’t had an opportunity until now. 

The term ‘Mary Sue’ has been thrown around a lot when discussing Bella Swan. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a Mary Sue is an idealized character (sometimes a self-insert representing the author). The rules of the universe do not apply to Mary Sue, at the tender age of sixteen she is accepted into programs that only accept adults. She is a better fighter than the brawler character, a better hacker than the hacker character and more beautiful than them all to boot.

The way Mike, Eric and other high schoolers are inexplicably drawn to Bella despite her complete and utter lack of a personality would qualify her for Suedom, but Bella lacks the hyper-competence of Mary Sues. If Bella has any skills besides making me want to smack her across her face, I’ve yet to see them. 

But good characters need to have flaws. So to add depth to Bella’s character and bring her down to earth, Smeyer gave her a flaw: clumsiness.

The point of the matter is that Bella has tons of flaws, she is ungrateful, snotty and suffers from horrible self-esteem. But the only flaw that Smeyer is acknowledging is Bella’s clumsiness. 

But despite the terrible snow, Bella has something to look forward to: Edward.

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid. 

I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday. And I was suspicious of him; why should he lie about his eyes? I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him, and I was still tongue-tied whenever I pictured his perfect face. I was well aware that my league and his league and his league were spheres that did not touch. So I shouldn’t be at all anxious to see him today. 

Bella says Edward frightens her. Let me repeat that, Bella is frightened of Edward. But that fear is not a red flag that Bella takes heed to and she sure as hell does not stay away from Edward. 

I have endeavored to be fair in my criticism of Twilight. I believe books like Twilight to be a symptom of our misogynous society, not a cause of it. Twilight never would have sold as may books as it did if something in its plots and characters did not resonate with the audience. As is already clear in just these three chapters (and will become abundantly clear in the rest of the series), Bella is firmly intrenched in a society with patriarchal norms. She plays housewife to Charlie, because well, that’s what women do. She will have no ambition to have a career or any hobbies or interests of her own besides Edward because Edward’s all she needs. But Edward and the rest of the vampires represent an exciting form of the same patriarchal norms Bella is determined to live in. Therein lies the appeal.  

On the drive to school Bella’s old truck doesn’t have any problems with the icy roads. 

When I got out of my truck at school, I saw why I’d had so little trouble. Something silver caught my eye and  walked to the back of the truck—carefully holding the side for support— to examine my tires. There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them. Charlie had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck. My throat suddenly felt tight. I wasn’t used to being taken care of, and Charlie’s unspoken concern caught me by surprise.

Once again, Charlie manages to be the best character in Twilight. Here is a wonderful example of a father’s care and concern. And why is Bella still calling him Charlie? 

While Bella is admiring the snow chains on her truck, disaster strikes. A van is skidding across the ice directly towards her, but just before it smashes into her, Edward pushes her out of the way, knocking her to the ground. Then, when the van is about to collide with her again, Edward stops the truck with his bare hands leaving an enormous dent in the van. 

But more clearly than all the yelling, I could hear Edward Cullen's low, frantic voice in my ear.

I'm fine." My voice sounded strange. I tried to sit up, and realized he was holding me against the side of his body in an iron grasp. 

"Be careful," he warned as I struggled. "I think you hit your head pretty hard." 

I became aware of a throbbing ache centered above my left ear.

"Ow," I said, surprised. 

"That's what I thought." His voice, amazingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter. 

Laughter. Bella is injured and Edward wants to laugh. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Edward

Meanwhile, Bella is confused as she was absolutely certain she saw Edward across the parking lot just before the van came screeching towards her. She tries to get an answer from Edward about this, but he's evasive about it.

It took six EMTs and two teachers--Mr. Varner and and Coach Clapp-- to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edwards vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the traitor told them I'd hit my head and probably had a concussion. I almost died of humiliation when they put on the neck brace. It looked like the entire school was there, watching soberly as they loaded me in the back of the ambulance. Edward got to ride in the front. It was maddening.

Okay, where do I start? I've ridden in an ambulance twice. Both times I rode in the front with the driver because I was a immediate relative of the patient and had knowledge of her condition, medical history and the patient was unable to communicate. Being the patient's lab partner wouldn't have been enough. 

Before the ambulance leaves, Chief Swan arrives. Still Edward, not Bella's father, is the one who gets to ride in the ambulance with her. It's Chapter 3, Bella and Edward in no way have a relationship, but already Edward is edging out Charlie in order to be Bella's 'man,' her authority figure.

Like Smeyer, I too was raised in a conservative, religious household. There was very much the idea that as a girl, you are under your father's authority, then you get married and that "ownership" is transferred to your husband. This idea is still very present in Christian evangelical circles (most garishly in the form of purity balls) and in society at large. 

As a teenager I remember telling my mom that when I got married I was going to keep my name. My mom raised an eyebrow and told me that would depend on what my husband thought.

In my Psychology of the Family class in college we were having a discussion about women keeping their maiden names after marriage. A man rather belligerently said that if his wife did that he'd feel "disrespected, like she's choosing her father over me." I pointedly told him that it wasn't her father's name she was keeping, it was her name.

But again, the 'issue' of women keeping their maiden names is just a symptom of the larger issue.

Uh, sorry for the tangent- back to the book!

Bella's pouting regarding the neck brace is like a child throwing a tantrum, I've no idea why Smeyer put it in. It makes Bella look utterly foolish.

They put me in the emergency room . . . a nurse put a pressure cuff on my arm and a thermometer under my tongue. Since no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided I wasn't obligated to wear the stupid-looking neck brace anymore. When the nurse walked away, I quickly unfastened the Velcro and threw it under the bed. 

 

Here's Ryan Gosling hoping Bella has a unstable cervical fracture

Okay, here's me being nitpicky for a second. I guarantee the EMTs would have been using a hard cervical collar, not some Velcro foam POS that is that easy to rip off.

They wheeled me away then, to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong, and I was right. Not even a concussion.

Nothing wrong with Bella's head? Oh shit. I used my laughing Ryan Gosling GIF too soon.

 

There we go.

Why the doctor ordered an X ray rather than a CT scan, I have no idea, since those are what are actually used when the doctor wants to evaluate for brain trauma, since, you know, you can actually see the brain.

Okay, okay, I know this isn't a medical drama. I know this was the first book Smeyer wrote, but come on, it takes like two seconds to Google that shit. 

They bring her back to the ER where Bella is placed next to Tyler, a classmate of Bella's and the driver of the van that almost hit her. He is covered in lacerations and blood and is falling over himself to apologize to Bella, horrified at what almost happened. 

How does Bella react?

So I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harassed by Tyler's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me. No matter how many times I tried to convince him I was fine, he continued to torment himself. Finally, I closed my eyes and ignored him. He kept up a remorseful mumbling.

How do I react?

 

Then the doctor arrives. He is a man so devastatingly handsome Bella instantly pops a lady boner. The doctor is of course Dr. Cullen, Edward's father.

The doctor's cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced.  

"Tender?" he asked. 

"Not really." I'd had worse. 

I heard a chuckle, and looked over to see Edward's patronizing smile. My eyes narrowed.  

"Well, your father is in the waiting room --you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."

Bella is a minor. Her dad is stuck out in the waiting room while her lab partner, is allowed to in the room with her. That's not unusual at all.

Bella is allowed to leave, and she tries to talk to Edward about the fact that he somehow magically teleported across the parking lot and managed to stop a speeding van with his bare hands. Bella thinks this a little weird.

Edward is angry at Bella's prying and tells her he owes he nothing, because he saved her life. They fight and Edward is "cold," "His unfriendliness intimidated me," and "I flinched back from the resentment in his voice." Sounds like real boyfriend material to me!

Charlie is able to take Bella home where she is consumed by the mystery that is Edward Cullen. The chapter ends with the melodramatic line, "That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen."

In my dream, rather than Dr. Cullen, Bella would have had Dr. House. And on a day he was particularly grumpy.

Sweet dreams Bella.

Well, that's it for this week! I'm afraid with vacations and the upcoming holidays my posting schedule got a bit off. If you want to be the first to know when a new Eileen Reads Twilight chapter is posted, or a new post in my writerly Project 200 is posted, just follow me on Twitter!